Shame is handed off when an internal pain convinces the self that its inherent worth is little to nothing.
Consequently, in a gasping effort to maintain the minimum amount of self worth, we lower others to our perceived self worthlessness. Perhaps there's even a chance that the other will be lowered, to the extent that our self becomes elevated.
And we accept the message of shame, when we've forgotten who we are. What do we do when someone's shame (deserved or undeserved) blinds us from our true identity?
Last night, a next door neighbor vomitted shame over my family as he labeled, accused, and judged who we are. He was angry and felt disrespected that our kids had been climbing his trees (despite permission was his wife). Over the past 2 months, without any communication, his anger had compounded and was now boiling over.
This man clearly had some deep anger, festering in his soul. Rather than explaining to us his boundaries, showing any sign of kindness or understanding or patience or grace, he called us "you people", "out of control kids", "the only bad neighbors ever", and made us feel like totally strangers.
I didn't try defend myself, although maybe I should have given the shame he was heaping. Instead I tried to remember the truth in who I am. I am responsible, caring, intentional, a good parent and a good neighbor. This morning I'm trying to own that which is mine (our kids my have let his dog out) and demote those words which are not. Who is this man, that he thinks he knows my family?
To whom do I speak such words or have the same unspoken thoughts of?
